Bent
Sure we all know the words Aloha and Mahalo ... but.....for a special visit to Hawaii, Live on the wild side! Astound the natives! Keola shares these Slightly Bent Hawaiian Phrases for the seasoned Traveler:
ABOARD THE AIRCRAFT . . . .
- If I snore, I would like to apologize in advance.
- Ke nono au, e kala mua mai, i keia manawa ho'i.
I am filled with admiration for my in-flight meal.
Kahaha ko'u na'au i ke 'ano o ka mea 'ai ma keia mokulele.
Only six dollars for a headset? Why thats only three dollars per
ear!
'Eono kala no ka ho'olohe lekio? 'O ia ho'i, 'ekolu wale no kala o
kahi pepeiao!
Baby, Severe Turbulance is my middle name.
E ku'u kumu e, mai hopohopo, ua kapa 'ia ko'u inoa waena, 'o ia 'o
Severe Turbulance.
STARING ATTENTIVELY AT THE CUSTOMS AGENT . . . .
- I greatly admire your machine pistol.
- Ke mahalo nui aku nei au i ko pu.
Yes I have something to declare, "I need a shower!"
'Ae, he mea ko'u e ho'ike aku ai, "He pono no ka ho'i ke 'au'au kililau!"
Nice doggie!
He u'i maika'i 'oe, e na 'ilio.
How completely you have ripped my bags apart!
Pau weluwelu ka'u mau ukana i kou 'ano he makaukau, tsa!
Hold me, I am feeling faint.
E pa'a puliki mai, 'ane'ane ko'u maka i ka poniuniu.
CHECKING IN TO YOUR LUXURY HOTEL . . . .
- This is a wonderful room for a dwarf.
- He lumi maika'i keia e ku pololei ana i ke kanaka peke.
- Thank you for this bed that will fit my leg.
- Mahalo nui loa ia 'oe, ua loa'a mai kahi moe kupono o ka nui no ko'u
wawae 'akau wale no!
This view of your parking lot is incredible!
He kuikawa ka 'ikena o kela wahi ho'oku ka'a e waiho kala'e ihola ma
'o!
It's a lovely gift, now please unwrap the toilet seat.
A 'o ia, he makana maika'i loa keia; aka, nau no e ho'ohemo i ka wahi
pepa ma luna o ka noho lua la, ke 'olu'olu.
FINE DINING . . . .
- These really nice napkins seem to match my underclothing.
- Ku maika'i keia mau kawele pepa i ke 'ano o ko'u 'a'ahu palema'i.
This Merlot is an ungrateful bitch.
He kanapapiki mahalo 'ole keia mea inu Merlot ia'u.
Waiter, my papaya has been previously fondled.
E ke kuene, ua milimili 'e 'ia neia mikana!
The busboy has cursed me and I am ashamed.
Ua ho'ohalahala 'ia mai nei au na ke kuene, a hilahila ihola au.
GETTING ON THE TOUR BUS . . . .
That was a most unusual sound. Did you eat a big breakfast?
He kani 'ano 'e loa kela. Ua 'ai nui anei 'oe ma ke kakahiaka?
You must be very proud of your large hat
Ha'aheo no paha 'oe i kena papale kupalaka, pehea la.
May I sleep on your lap?
I hiamoe au ma luna o kou 'uha?
How tenderly you have nudged my buttocks with your beach bag.
Nani ka pa lihi o kena 'eke holoholo i hope o'u nei.
DOCTORS ON CALL . . . .
- Can wearing a thong and running on the beach cause a rash like
this?
- Ua pili anei keia 'ohune i ke komo hawele li a me ka holo wawae ma
kahakai?
Dammit man, what the hell kind of a doctor are you anyway?
E ke kamipulu, pehea la kou 'ano kauka 'ana mai?
If you enjoyed these go to Keola's Spam Haiku's
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