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Moanalani Beamer
Winona Beamer
Helen Desha Beamer

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Spam Haiku
Slightly Bent Hawaiian Phrases
KB Trivia
Wendel Hehena

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INSTRUCTIONAL MATERIALS
Online Lessons!
(exclusively from our website)
Art of Hawaiian Slack Key Guitar
 (Instructional DVD)
Learn To Play Hawaiian Slack Key Guitar
 (book/CD)
Listen & Learn: Keola Beamer Hawaiian Slack Key Guitar
 (book/CD)

RELEASES
Ki Ho 'alu (Loosen the Key) DVD
Mohala Hou
Soliloquy
Island Born
Kolonahe - From The Gentle Wind
Honolulu City Lights
Mauna Kea - White Mountain Journal
The Golden Lehua Tree
Moe 'Uhane Kika - Tales From The Dream Guitar
Wooden Boat
Hawaiian Slack Key Guitar In The Real Old Style
Sweet Maui Moon

Slightly Bent Hawaiian Phrases!

Sure we all know the words Aloha and Mahalo ... but.....for a special visit to Hawaii, Live on the wild side! Astound the natives! Keola shares these Slightly Bent Hawaiian Phrases for the seasoned Traveler:

ABOARD THE AIRCRAFT . . . .

If I snore, I would like to apologize in advance.
Ke nono au, e kala mua mai, i keia manawa ho'i.

I am filled with admiration for my in-flight meal.
Kahaha ko'u na'au i ke 'ano o ka mea 'ai ma keia mokulele.

Only six dollars for a headset? Why thats only three dollars per ear!
'Eono kala no ka ho'olohe lekio? 'O ia ho'i, 'ekolu wale no kala o kahi pepeiao!

Baby, Severe Turbulance is my middle name.
E ku'u kumu e, mai hopohopo, ua kapa 'ia ko'u inoa waena, 'o ia 'o Severe Turbulance.

STARING ATTENTIVELY AT THE CUSTOMS AGENT . . . .

I greatly admire your machine pistol.
Ke mahalo nui aku nei au i ko pu.

Yes I have something to declare, "I need a shower!"
'Ae, he mea ko'u e ho'ike aku ai, "He pono no ka ho'i ke 'au'au kililau!"

Nice doggie!
He u'i maika'i 'oe, e na 'ilio.

How completely you have ripped my bags apart!
Pau weluwelu ka'u mau ukana i kou 'ano he makaukau, tsa!

Hold me, I am feeling faint.
E pa'a puliki mai, 'ane'ane ko'u maka i ka poniuniu.

CHECKING IN TO YOUR LUXURY HOTEL . . . .

This is a wonderful room for a dwarf.
He lumi maika'i keia e ku pololei ana i ke kanaka peke.

Thank you for this bed that will fit my leg.
Mahalo nui loa ia 'oe, ua loa'a mai kahi moe kupono o ka nui no ko'u wawae 'akau wale no!

This view of your parking lot is incredible!
He kuikawa ka 'ikena o kela wahi ho'oku ka'a e waiho kala'e ihola ma 'o!

It's a lovely gift, now please unwrap the toilet seat.
A 'o ia, he makana maika'i loa keia; aka, nau no e ho'ohemo i ka wahi pepa ma luna o ka noho lua la, ke 'olu'olu.

FINE DINING . . . .

These really nice napkins seem to match my underclothing.
Ku maika'i keia mau kawele pepa i ke 'ano o ko'u 'a'ahu palema'i.

This Merlot is an ungrateful bitch.
He kanapapiki mahalo 'ole keia mea inu Merlot ia'u.

Waiter, my papaya has been previously fondled.
E ke kuene, ua milimili 'e 'ia neia mikana!

The busboy has cursed me and I am ashamed.
Ua ho'ohalahala 'ia mai nei au na ke kuene, a hilahila ihola au.

GETTING ON THE TOUR BUS . . . .

That was a most unusual sound. Did you eat a big breakfast?
He kani 'ano 'e loa kela. Ua 'ai nui anei 'oe ma ke kakahiaka?

You must be very proud of your large hat
Ha'aheo no paha 'oe i kena papale kupalaka, pehea la.

May I sleep on your lap?
I hiamoe au ma luna o kou 'uha?

How tenderly you have nudged my buttocks with your beach bag.
Nani ka pa lihi o kena 'eke holoholo i hope o'u nei.

DOCTORS ON CALL . . . .

Can wearing a thong and running on the beach cause a rash like this?
Ua pili anei keia 'ohune i ke komo hawele li a me ka holo wawae ma kahakai?

Dammit man, what the hell kind of a doctor are you anyway?
E ke kamipulu, pehea la kou 'ano kauka 'ana mai?

If you enjoyed these go to Keola's Spam Haiku's

Keola really went to pieces after his last stint in the studio. Can you help him get it back together again?

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